What I Really Want Say (A Going Home Poem)

апреля 02, 2021

What I really want to say is this

You are the one I hate
The one I want to leave,
to lie to, and to commiserate
the misery you create
with your selfishness and sloth
you make me feel so wrong
and not in the right way
you make me feel the shame
we share
thinking you’re not good enough
for me
for life
for love
but you are
but you won’t try
and you don’t even
care enough to lie
and say you love me
when you do
for all the things I am and am not
and for all the things you are and are not
because you dare not
dream
that life can be better
better with a woman like me
and you hate me too
you hate me for loving you
and I hate me for that too.

What I really want to say
is this

I loved you
I loved you for all the wrong and right reasons
but you were a love for one season
of summer
of an affair to remember
and discard for winter clothes
and coats because you made me hot
but you could not keep me warm
through cold nights and drudgery
that a man and woman share
when they are are in love
not strong enough
for every day life of work and bills
for building a life on more than thrills
but you made me happy
When the sun was high and bright
you made love to me like we were young
but you were much to old to play games
with a woman like me
but you made me feel like a girl
in love, a crush from high school
and you held me like a child
when I cried when I lost you
when I needed to
because you could not stay
even though you wanted to
I wouldn’t let you
because I had to grown up
and leave you behind
like the teddy bear I’d hide
under the bed when you took me from behind
I wanted to be a wild
to be beast
and you were the man
not to tame me
but to unleash
me from the chains of tradition
of lost love and broken dreams
and you held my hand
as you’d lie in my lap
and lick me like crea
sweet on the tongue
Oh yes, you made me come
until I couldn’t see straight
through you and see what a
merry minstral you were
the jolly fool
the grasshopper to my busy bee
but you were the tool
to fix me
and like the Scarecrow,
I will miss you most of all
you were my Oz
but I’m clicking my heels
and I’m going home.