Roommates and Relationships
Dear Bitter Single Guy: I live with one of my best friends, who also happens to be a very attractive person of the opposite sex. We get along great, better than any roommates I know of, and I love living with him. We spend a ton of time together, cook dinner together almost every night, feel completely comfortable with each other and are basically like “family”. Our friends joke that we are like an old married couple.
The problem is that despite our better judgment, we keep ending up in bed together; especially if we have been drinking. The sex is great and it doesn’t actually seem to have a negative affect (yet) on our friendship. I am assuming that eventually this will change, and our indiscretions will lead to someone getting hurt and the destruction of our friendship. Also, because we are so comfortable with each other and have such a good time hanging out with each other, I feel as though we are both putting a very minimal effort into dating and meeting new people.
I don’t want him to move out and I don’t think that either of is really wants to give up the occasional night of drinking either, but I don’t know how else to handle this. I never want to lose this guy as a friend and it seems as though that is where this will lead. Can you offer any advice on how we might go about making more responsible decisions in the future? Keep in mind that every time something happens we immediately sit down and talk about it… This isn’t something that we have neglected to discuss or try to find ways of preventing on our own. ~Randy Roommate~
Dear RR: The Bitter Single Guy (and most of his readers, he suspects) wonders what the problem is here? You’re living with a guy you’re attracted to (who is also apparently attracted to you), you enjoy each other’s time, cook meals together, aren’t really interested in other people, and have great sex after a few drinks.
RR you have a boyfriend! Congratulations; the BSG is happy to be the first to tell you, although he thinks it could have been obvious, yes? Maybe not.
Now the BSG knows that you’re saying “No, that’s not the point! We’re just friends!” Well the BSG thinks the lady doth protest too much. There are readers out there who would love to be in a relationship like this one. Heck, even the BSG would be unlikely to toss this one out on its ear.
RR if the problem is that you don’t actually want to be in a relationship with this Charming Chap, the BSG might wonder why, but he would respect that decision. In that case, the BSG would say that you need some distance. If you two continue this fiction that you’re actually just roommates and one of you gets an actual date, much heartbreak and drama will ensue. Trust the BSG here…this is a time bomb.
If you’re so good at talking about why you had sex after a few drinks (the BSG thinks this would be a fast conversation: “Wow! So once my inhibitions were lowered a little, my consistent attraction to you made me want to do intimate touchy stuff with you, again! Glad we talked about that, aren’t you?”) then you should be pretty good at talking about the fact that YOU’RE IN A RELATIONSHIP. Good luck and tell us all how it goes, RR. ~BSG~
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