It’s the Little Things That Kill A Marriage
Just like it’s the little things that make a marriage great, it’s the little things that make a marriage hell.
I once heard someone
say that you should find out something that annoys your spouse and make sure
you do it every once in a while. Now, I can say with absolute certainty that I
have this skill down pat - without even trying. I do it without thinking, but I
don’t think that it helps, you know what I’m saying?
I like to perform in
plays. It’s a passion that I have, and I consider myself a professional.
The problem, of course, is that I also have a day job. When I am in
rehearsals for any particular production I tend to be very busy and when I am
home, I have a tendency to be distracted and busy. It becomes easy for me
to forget to take care of my most important relationship - my marriage.
Women
need emotional attention. Many
men have the emotional attention span of a mayfly (for those who don’t know,
the average lifespan of a mayfly is less than 24 hours, so their attention span
is necessarily short). When emotions come up for men, we roll our eyes
and shrug it off. This eye rolling is hurtful for women and not
constructive in marriage. While a man may brush off a bad dream or a
quarrel, women will agonize over its meaning and need to discuss it. Men,
we need to give women the attention they are due and make sure we validate
their feelings.
Open
the door for your wife. It may seem like
a trivial thing, but not opening the door for your wife, making a meal for
yourself and not for her, leaving your dirty socks everywhere, and a thousand
other little careless things make a big difference. Some relationship
therapists talk about an emotional bank account. Every interaction you
have with your spouse is either a withdrawal or a deposit. Think about
your day. You’ll recognize which ones are withdrawals and which are deposits. Make sure your bank account is positive.
For my marriage, the
little things that kill are: failing to follow through on tasks I take on,
failing to be forthcoming with my own emotions, leaving my biking clothes on
the floor, or leaving sinks full of dishes.
What are the little
things that kill in your marriage?
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