Questions From Non-Black Men
Non-black men are interested, ladies.
I’ve received messages from non-black men seeking answers as to what are the best ways to meet and relate to YOU. I often wonder if we as BW are sometimes missing the signs and signals- I admit I may also be guilty of this as well. So I thought a blog post would be a great way to answer some questions I’m getting and to also hopefully generate some discussion.
One of my pet peeves about men who give relationship advice to women is that although it is good to hear their perspectives they can’t always understand the female experience and how their advice impacts it. So forgive me if as a woman I cannot completely relate to the male experience.
I’ve received messages from non-black men seeking answers as to what are the best ways to meet and relate to YOU. I often wonder if we as BW are sometimes missing the signs and signals- I admit I may also be guilty of this as well. So I thought a blog post would be a great way to answer some questions I’m getting and to also hopefully generate some discussion.
One of my pet peeves about men who give relationship advice to women is that although it is good to hear their perspectives they can’t always understand the female experience and how their advice impacts it. So forgive me if as a woman I cannot completely relate to the male experience.
Finally, as every woman is different and has her own individual preferences I can only speak in generalities. On to the questions, round one!
How can you tell if she’s interested? What are the signs, facial expressions, and body language?
Sometimes in the seemingly never ending bus-i-ness, women aren’t always up on their flirt game. Sometimes we’re just not even thinking about it. BUT there are some subtle signs that she may be interested or open to interacting with you:
- Does she smile at you or in your direction?'
- Can you recognize her 5 second flirt?
- Does she compliment you or ask you for help with something?
- When you're talking does she seem interested or engaged in the conversation?
- Is her demeanor pleasant, cheerful, happy?
- Body language - is her body pointed toward yours (i.e. legs crossed, knees pointed in your direction).
Ladies, this is also a heads up for you- are you putting any of the above into practice while you're out and about?
For the men, with all that said keep in mind though that you are the man in this situation and (despite what some would say) we do still live in a patriarchal society so, if you are interested you should approach her first. I understand the fear of rejection but it's a part of life that we all deal with- men and women both.
Read Also
Are Age Differences a Barrier to Romance?
There is More to Life Than Being Someone’s Wife.
How To Go Out Alone Without Being Alone
What do black women like, makes them happy, and what are they really looking for?
This is pretty individual as each woman has different needs. But I think BW for the most part want to be honored, loved, cherished, protected, and respected by the men in their lives. If you can demonstrate that to her that you can do that then you will go far.
If there is a woman you are interested in particular, see if there is a way to find out what makes her happy or what makes her tick. Talk to her friends or associates (this can be done in a casual, informal, way without belying your interest), or befriend her.
I would caution though that unfortunately, there are some BW out there that are just un-responsive or un-moved by non-black men and no matter how persistent the man may be she will still remain closed to him. If you find yourself interacting with a woman like this I would suggest cutting your losses and moving on.
What are BW looking for in a man?
Probably the same things that other women are looking for. Again, this is an individual question as each woman will be different. What may help is to first determine what you need and what you can bring to the relationship table. This will help you and the women you're involved with to better determine if you're a good fit for each other.
What are the best ways to meet BW?
Online dating would be the obvious approach and there are great sites out there: Match.com or Loveawake.com. I would also suggest a 2 pronged approach though:
- Get in to her environment
- Look around your own environment.
Approach #1.) - I've always suggested to women to first figure out what kind of man you want to be with and the figure out a way to get into his world. So I'd say the same to men. Determine the type of woman you'd need in your life and then figure out where she would be: Who is she? Will she work in a particular industry? Live in a certain neighborhood? Be of a certain faith? Have specfic types of interests? Attend certain types of events? Etc.
Approach #2.) - Take a look around your own environment (i.e. your workplace, religious community, etc.) are there any black women of interest to you there? I say this because as a non-black man you don't have to deal with the issues of race and self-segregation unless you choose to; therefore, if there are BW in your immediate environment- workplace, neighborhood- it's more likely that she would be receptive to your approach then women who interact in more segregated environments. Make sense?
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